There's also no job and an unfinished dissertation. I've had a tough semester with students, the worst winter on record in about a century, and damage to my car that means when I drive down the road, I sound like I want to be part of a biker gang... in my '99 Camry.
These are pretty dark days, friends.
And so I find myself, more than usual, adjusting expectations and simply trying to cope. And this is what coping looks like these days:
- Weekly phone calls with dear friends on opposite coasts. Even if we only talk for 10 minutes, these calls are lifelines.
- Attempting to eat reasonable food. This takes so much effort during seasons like this; going through the grocery store, finding something healthy/fast/affordable to prepare/cook/eat feels like an overwhelming task. But so help me, I am trying to avoid eating Hagen-Dasz out of the carton... or when I do, to at least be sure I've had kale for dinner first.
- Lacing up the running shoes and heading out the door. I'm not much of a runner. I'm very, very slow. But most days, I give myself permission to be glad that I simply made it out the door. The thwap, thwap, thwap of my shoes on the pavement is reassuring somehow, and I find that my mind is always clearer after I run.
- Praying. "Lord, have mercy," is about all I've got these days. But turning my thoughts there seems to help.
- Periodic appointments with a very good therapist. She's smart, she's funny, she says things like, "it is amazing that you are going through all this stress and not developing psychological disorders," which make me feel better. I am working to keep myself together, and it's so helpful to have suggestions for how to do that and encouragement that it seems to be effective.
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