Monday, September 22, 2014

What would I do differently?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately for some reason.  What would I do differently in my life if I knew I were never going to get married? And you know, having thought about it for a while, here's what I've got:

1. I would stop looking.  I would de-activate the online profile thing, I would stop glancing at the left hand of every cute man who's roughly my age that I meet.  I would simply stop caring.  This big lurking question would be answered, and I would have to think about other things, but not about that any more. 

2. I would cut my hair.  I have had short(ish) hair most of my life, and about four years ago, I decided to grow it out.   It's been long(ish) ever since.  Several years ago, though, a male friend of mine made the kind of remark in passing that has stuck with me.  As a throwaway comment, he quipped, "if you'd always had long hair, you would have been married years ago!"  It was profoundly hurtful, implying not only that my primary value as a woman is in the way men (particularly him) think of my appearance, but also that the solution to something that has been hard--being single for almost all of my adult life--could easily have been mine had I only followed this one totally obvious piece of advice.  I'm not consciously keeping my hair long because I think he was right, but I wonder how much those words are rattling around in the back of my head.

I don't think I'm ready to stop looking--although I should probably stop doing the ring scan--but I may get a dramatic haircut anyway. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, how I recognize this! I've been single for many years (but am now in a relationship) and especially your first point rings true to me. It has given me so much freedom not to do that anymore. I've tried to stop watching for rings when I was single, but to be honest, I never succeeded.
    About the second part, first of all, that man was really inconsiderate and WRONG. I used to have short hair and though my boyfriend really loves long hair, he started a relationship with me anyway. It didn't matter if I had long hair or short. At the moment, I'm growing my hair, because I know he loves it, but he would be fine if I had a short haircut too. Because, guess what, he's not shallow!
    I still can't believe someone told you that nonsense. Be faithful to who you are and love God and your neighbours. I can't imagine something more beautiful.


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